Knuckles gets Too Cool with Tikal
by procrastinatingunicornwizard
Summary: TICKLES!TICKLES!TICKLES! !TICKLES! TICKLES! TICKLES! TICKLES! !TICKLES!TICKLES!TICKLES!TICKLES!
1. Chapter 1: My Life is Like a Lampshade

**Chapter 1: My life is LIKE a Lampshade**

Now, to understand this story, you're going to need to get something first. Knuckles is indeed black. I don't care what the forums say, hes black god damn it. Now, he grew hair above the black skin so people wouldn't laugh at him, because Sonic is a racism. The hair he grew was however pink so he died it red with the blood of his orphans. Now, this story takes place in Station Square, a city in Mobius…

Blackles I mean Knuckles awoke in his bed. "Ah, what a wet day, just like my dream about Tikal." he said.

"What did you just say?" said Mrs. Knuckles, Knuckles's dead mother who apparently raiseded from the deaded.

"Get the fuck out my house mommy!" shrieked Knuckles. He lived in a dumpster, not a house, because no one want's Knuckles to work at their fast food facility because Knuckles has an eating disorder called "echidna." "Echidna" is where you want to drink all the grease. ANYWay, Knuckles went to find Sonic. He saw Tails's brother, Notails. "Hey, Notails, what's up?"

"Everybody is gonna die." Notails responded with.

"Ok! Have a good day," said Blackles I mean Knuckles.

Haaving no luck findingggg Sonic or Tails, Knuckles decided to go to the office. Yep, the good ol' office. Can' t get enough of that good old office, with it's bright lights and the scent of aged cabbage. "Adjacent Angles!" cried Knuckles in pain and agony. He was, too, cool. "Get the fuck out my house mommy!" Suddenly a man walked up to Knuckles.

"Knuckles...the police are here to take you to the hospital. You are missing a kidney and haven't been fertilized in 3 months." said the man.

Knuckles soon arrived at the hospital. Surgery took 37th hours. It took a long time because the ambulance crashed on the way to the hospital… 4 times… there was a lot to operate on. Bu tKnuckles was finally better.

Soon he arrived at the office. That good old office. The sweet sweet office. For some reason the entire building was empty. The power was out, nobody was around to be seen, and it was dead silent. Knuckles slowly crept through the many halls, Quietly passing by the overturned desks with computers and papers scattered across the floor. He finally arrived at his own office. He opened the door. There was no light. It was pitch black. There was no light because there were no windows in the room. It was pitch black because there were no windows in the room. But Knuckleses could make out a dark shadowy figure in the corner. He was unsure of what the thing was. All his instincts told him to run. BUt he knew bettter. He pulled out his trusty sword and jabbed the thing. It didn't react. Knuckles put his sword back. Suddenly…

the thing slowly started to move. It turned around to reveal a pair of BIG

YELLOW

EYES

The creature spoke.

"FROGGY!? IS THAT YOU!? I CAN SMELL YOU FROGGY!"

"Well, if it isn't Sonic, eh. I see you've packed on the pounds. Can I ask if you've seen Tails around?"

"Froggy?! You're not Froggy." said Big. Big pulled all his hair out and grabbed Knuckles by the tail.

"Sonic!" cried Knuckles. "Stop it, hahaha," he chuckled. He also lied. Big took his penis and put it in Knuckles's ear. Knuckles chuckled again. "Teeheehee! That tickles, Sonic! Stop it! Is that your finger?"

"No," said Big, "it's not my finger."

"Is it your penis again?"

"Yep."  
"WooooooooOoOO! Yeah! Too cool!"

"I'm not Sonic, I'm Big the Cat. Now where is my buddy Froggy?"

"He died 3 months ago, Big. He was hit by an ambulance."  
Big felt blood run out of his fingers and into his nervous system. He realized right at that moment that he was dying and his last moments consisted of fucking Knuckles's ear. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" said Big in satisfaction. He was glad this was how he died, in an office with his penis in Knuckles's ear. He took his hands and ripped out his eyes and ate them. The eyes them went through Big's body, through the penis, and into Knuckles's brain. Big dropped dead.

Knuckles stared down at Big's dead body. He couldn't see it because it was too dark in the room. The room was dark because it had no windows. Suddenly someone came up behind Knuckles.

"Knuckles, it is I, the Master Emerald. The time has come. I've trained you all your life for this moment."

"But master...I… am not ready. I'm still just a young boy."

"No Knuckles, believe in your muscles."

"...Fine"

"I must go, now do your thing." The Master Emerald left.

Knuckles prepared to do his task. He'd been training all his life to do this. He pulled out the hacksaw he always kept in his pants. He was about to gut his first fish. He proceeded to cut open Big the Cat's dead body. This was followed by Knuckles crawling into the open cut he made in Big's belly. He closed his eyes as he tucked himself in.

"Goodnight," Knuckles whispered to himself.

Ok! Quiz Time!  
Q: How many windows are in Knuckles's office?  
A: 1

B: 6

C: 89

D: Twelve

The correct answer was…**one of the 4 choices.**


	2. Chapter 2: Because it's very bright

**Chapter 2: Because it's veRy bRight**

Knuckels woke up to the sweet smell of cat guts and aged cabbage. He opened his eyes. Everyting was pitch black. It was pitch black because there was no light. There was no light because it was dark. It was dark because the room had no windoews. "Hi," said a familiar voice. Knuckles picked up a gun and made a death threat. "It's me! Tikal!" said the person.

"Oh! It's you! Sorry I was about to stab you." said Knuckles.

"Anyway, I liked what you did with the place. You installed a 16 window."

"yes i did tikal and it looks pretty does not it?"

"Knuckles why is there acid-"

"shhh...the boss cannot know."

"This is an abandoned warehouse."

"no tikal it is my office in Chicago, Illinois, 60601, Cook County."

"Knuckles you are addicted to acid. You need to stop!"  
"Do you want a lap dance?"  
"yeah"

"ok"

"This is gonna be too cool." said Knuckles in a chill tone. He took Tikal and pushed his face into her buttocks. It was Big all over again! Then, Knuckles took off Tikals shirt and pushed her breast into his face. "They should call you 'Tit'cal." said Knuckles.

"Fuck you. Where's your dick?"

"You mean my 4 headed dick?"  
"Whaaaaaat?!"

"Yep. You should have one, too." said Knuckles being the idiot he is. He took his 4 headed penis and put it in Tikal's vagina and thrusted.

"thats not my vagina, its my butt, Knuckles." Knuckles couldn't see because it was pitch black because there was no light. There was no light because it was dark. It was dark because the room had no windows. Knuckles felt around and found the vagina, because he's a treasure hunter and all. During mating, the heads on one side of Knuckles "shut down" and did not grow in size; the other two were then used to release the semen into the Tikal's two-branched reproductive tract.

Fun Fact: Knuckles's penis is 7 centimeters long when erect.

2 Months later…


	3. Chapter 3: and named Joshua

**Chapter 3: and named Joshua L. Stampsin.**

Knuckles sat in his lawn chair watching another episode of Breaking Bread. "I love this show." said the Knuckster. Suddenly Tikal ran up to him. "Tikal! What's up ma brotha?"  
"I'm pregnant." said Tikal.

"Who the fuck did you have sex with?! Wait...It was Big, wasn't it? God damn it, Tikal! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! Why do you all let people like Big fuck you?" said Knuckles looking at the camera.

"I had sex with you, you fucking idiot!" exclaimeded Tikal in angrawr.  
"Ok!" said Knuckles happily. "what should we name our son or daughter?"  
"I don't know…" said Tikal.

Knuckles ran over a bunch of school children on purpose, grabbed a pot of coffee, and while chugging it screamed. "Tikal...Knuckles...Tik...uckles...Sonamy...Tiuckles…Tickles… TICKLES!TICKLES!TICKLES! !TICKLES! TICKLES! TICKLES! TICKLES! !TICKLES!TICKLES!TICKLES!TICKLES!"

"Knuckles, we are not naming our kid Tickles!"

"TIIIIiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKLES!"

"Knuckles," said Tikal. "The name Tickles sounds too much like Herpes. We are not naming our kid Herpes I mean Tickles."

"How about we-" said knuckles until he was taken by the head and a hand was put over his mouth.

"How are you two?" Asked the man holding knuckles. He was none other than the brilliant, super sweet science-tist, professor Pickle.

"Good." Said Tikal.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"Nothing, " replied Tikal.

"What's...so...funny?" he said again in a more threatening voice. Professor Pickle pulled out a gun and pointed it at Knuckles's head. The professor cracked his neck. He shook the gun.

"Knuckles and I weren't laughing at all, what do you mean by 'what's so funny?'" said Tikal. She saw Sonic in the distance. "Oh no." Sonic saw Tikal and ran over to her.

"Hey, Tikal!" exclaimed Sonic. "Long time no see! I see you've packed on a few pounds!"

"I'm pregnant, idiot."

"Oh. I'm assuming Knuckles is pregnant too. He sure does look like it"

"No, he's just fat."

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!" yelled Professor Pickle.

"His stomach isn't the only thing getting bigger." said Sonic.

"Why would you imply the face that knuckles has a boner?!" said Tikal.

"I was talking about the fact he has lung cancer." said Sonic.

"OH! DUH!" exclaimed Tikal. She didn't give a fuck. She looked back at Professor Pickle. He was sweating insanely. She knew Knuckles was about to get shot...but did Tickles REALLY need a father? no. He didn't because she was an independent man.

"Unless you tell me what's so funny at the count of 3, I'LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS! 1...2...3...4...5...6!" Professor Pickle pulled the trigger and put a bullet straight through Knuckles's head. Suddenly, Tikal fell to the ground. Her water broke.

"Gah!" she screamed in terror and out crawled Tickles. "It's a Tickles."


	4. Chapter 4: It is Child

Knuckles woke up in a strange place. It was cold and rainy, but there were no clouds. In fact there was no sky. He looked around, there was nothing in cite except wet concrete all the way to the horizon. The ground was entirely concrete. Knuckles jumped up in the air and started gliding in circles. Suddenly he was struck by lightning. You see, Knuckles was in purgatory after getting shot, but because Knuckles is a fcking idiot he somehow managed to die again in the afterlife.

Knuckles woke up in an even stranger place. It was hot and te desert wind was howling. He was in the desert, but there was one thing off about it. He was surrounded by dinosaurs. The dinosaurs lifted knuckles into the air and started chanting his name.

"BLACKLES! BLACKLES! BLACKLES!" they all shouted in celebration as they paraded the happy Knuxter around the desert. They continued until they reached their leader. It was anouther dinosaur. It was a girl dinosaur named Honey Pie.

"BLACKLES! I AM HONEY PIE!" bellowed the intimidating triceratops. "I AM QUEEN OF THE DINOSAURS."

Knuckles started smoking some marijuana and began to speak to Honey Pie. "Yo, bro, that's cool and all yo. But like dude… bro, where am I? And what's with this blackles shit. Do I look like I have fuckin' syphilis yo?"

"...Yes…"replied Honey Pie. "Anyway, you are in purgatorial purgatory. Because you died twice like a fucking asshole bonehead."

"Oh…" replied Knuckles. "...So I'm dead?"

"Yep," said Honey Pie.

"Are there any rules in purgatory?" asked Knuckemon

"No" said Honey Pie

Knuxter was hatching an evil plot. He jumped on Honey Pie and grabbed her head. He angrily ripped it off and drank the blood dripping from it. He turned to the other dinosaurs and said three words and three words only….

"HAIL THE HAIL!"

He was struck by lightning again.

Knuckles woke up on the ground to see an old man standing over him. It was professor Pickle. Sonic and Tikal were there too with some random baby. Knuckles was frozen with fear as Professer Pickle pulled his gun on knuckles again. Right before he pulled the trigger a voice something.

"PICKLES! GET YOUR MISERABLE LITTLE WHITE ASS OVER HERE THIS INSTANT" screamed a distant voice.

"I'm sorry mama!" yelped Professor Pickle as he dropped the gun and ran away.

Knuckles got up off the ground. He walked over to Tikal."Wuts with the baby?" he asked.

Tikal scowled at Knuckles. "You don't know who this is!?"

"Yeh" said Knuckles.

"YOU HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT IS!?"

"Yeh"

"EVEN AFTER YOU FORCED ME TO NAME THE BABY TICKLES!?"

"Yeh"

"Do you know who it is now?!"

"Yeh"

"What's the baby's name?"

"Yeh"

"DAMMIT KNUCKLES THIS IS TICKLES! OUR BABY!"

"Oooohhhhhhhhhhh! TICKLES! DUH!"

Tikal let out sigh of exasperation. What was she going to do with this idiot lover. _Ughh. Knuckles is such an idiot_ she thought. _What will I ever do abo- _"KNUCKLES WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!"

Knuckles pulled Sonic's penis out of his mouth. "What, are we not allowed to do this in front of child?"

Tikal facepalmed. She grabbed Tickles and shoved his head into her mouth so that she wouldn't see what Nukles and Sawnick were doing.

**Meanwhile in Station Square**

Amy was at the burger shop. It was her first time being there in months. She had received a four month ban from the place after she destroyed the statue out front.

Suddenly Amy had a flashback to the day she met Tails, when Sonic introduced the two of them.

_It was gruesome. Knuckles' orphans screaming, the sky red as blood, the terrible smell of rotting meat was everywhere, and the blood, oh man, don't even get me started on the blood. It was like Big's birthday party all over again. Amy was going to visit Sonic's house. She used her hammer to knock on the door. She was excited to visit Sonic. She loved him so much. She knocked on the door, but her hammer was so powerful it knocked the door down. Sonic was nowhere to be seen. She walked into the house. She entered Sonic's Knuckles room. That's where Sonic stored all his groceries, in the knuckles room. She continued until she found Sonic's bedroom. She opened the bedroom. _

"_AAAHHHH!" screamed Amy._

_She'd walked in on Sonic and Knuckles having sex._

"_WHAT THE FUCK!?" she screamed._

_Sonic and Knuckles just continued going at it. Suddenly Chuck E. Cheese walked in from another door. _

"_Hey guys! I got the butter!" exclaimed the cheesy chuck. "WHAT! WHY IS AMY HERE!?"_

_Sonic turned to look at Amy. _

"_AMY!? HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE!?"_

"_I smashed your door with my piko piko hammer. AND YOU'RE GAY!?"_

"_Piko wha?" asked Sonic._

_Amy pulled out her hammer and hit Sonic in the jaw._

"_We're through!" she screamed as she stormed out._

_Amy was depressed. The love of her life was a gay slut. She was walking away from Sonic's house when she laid eyes upon the most beautiful person ever. That guy is foxy she thought to herself. She ran over to him, he was a handsome young yellow fox with two tails._

"_Who are you?" she asked._

_Suddenly Sonic showed up and said, "Amy! This is Tails, Tails, this is Amy!"_

_Sonic left._

_Amy was all nervous inside. "H-hi Tails," she said with a shy smile._

"_Hi Amy," said Tails casually._

"_You'e not gay like Sonic, are you?" she asked._

"_SONIC IS GAY!?"_

…"_Yeh"..._

"_SHIT! I WAS LETTING HIM TOUCH MY TAILS TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW I'M ABLE TO FLY!"_

_Amy just stood there awkwardly. Then she said-_

Amy's flashback was interrupted. A fight had broken out at the burger was fighting with a cashier. He was mad that his meal didn't come with a toy. The cashier pulled out a gun and shot Eggman in the face. He died. Then his head came off on a spring. It was just a robot of Eggman.

Suddenly the real Eggman showed up. He grabbed Amy and dragged her out of the burger shop.

"Hahahaa!" laughed Eggman maniacally. "Sonic will definitely give me his Chaos Emeralds if I have you hostage!"

Okay kids! Let's make sure you've been paying attention! Fill in the blanks!

Knuckles is _. He likes to have _'s penis in his _. Amy is eating at a _ shop that banned her for breaking a _. Sonic is _. Tails can _ with his _. Eggman likes to get to_.

Answers: black, sonic, ear, burger, statue, gay, fly, tails, wuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkk


End file.
